Oops, I never announced my pregnancy! In my first few posts I know I mentioned trying to conceive, then recently I just casually mentioned I was pregnant, so here’s that story. Ok, well, everyone reading this knows how babies are made sooo not that part…
My Deedee (my actual nick name for her, I think it’s a cute coincidence that I see DD used in blogs as “dear daughter”) is kindof unintentionally being raised a bit “attachment parenting” style. As a SAHM in online college, I was able to run life more on her schedule because I didn’t have to schedule feedings and naps around work and daycare drop-offs. Certain routines did form naturally, but as she got older, sleep and hunger schedules easily evolved with her changing needs. Something I was hoping could happen on my terms was weaning. I knew breastfeeding interfered with fertility hormones, so when hubby and I were ready for baby number 2… Deedee wasn’t ready to let us have our best chance at that. I would even comically complain that it appeared Deedee didn’t want a sibling.
Scouring the internet for advice that I could take without internalizing shame or guilt is hard. I know these people mean well and I’m just sensitive, but parenting advice tends to come from people whose personal experience comes from a more-financially-privileged-than-I perspective and/or they’ve established a strict routine due to personal preference or daycare necessity so further schedule modification is easier. In the wrong mindset, I read parenting blogs, bristle and get defensive (must be nice to not worry about money) and/or feel bad about myself (if I were a better person/mom, we’d have this figured out by now).
What I did pick up from pro-nursing, fertility, and conception websites was that even if I didn’t completely wean, I should shorten each nursing session to help my fertility improve. I doubled my efforts to encourage solid food and tried to keep the nipple down to a comfort thing rather than her main source of nutrition.
Deedee was funny about solid food for a long time. I started introducing solids as soon as her pediatrician said to, and with WIC’s help I never worried about having to skimp, save, or compromise about keeping a variety of flavors and textures for her available. I felt like I was wasting baby food a long time though… labels say not to save an open container more than a day, but Deedee only accepted a few spoons per feeding for months, so even a 2oz jar wouldn’t empty in a day. Some textures or flavors she rejected immediately, and every time I thought we found a favorite, she changed her mind within a week. Happy to report that at nearly 3, she’s a good eater. Still has an occasional spell of only wanting chicken nuggets or hot dogs, but will eat typically thought of as adult foods hubby brings home from his restaurant fairly often.
Let’s try to get back to the point here… hubby and I were at 9 months of actively trying to conceive when I buckled and bought a fertility tea. A few months prior I had my annual OB check-up and my ancient (seriously, this dude should have retired decades ago) doctor wasn’t concerned about no new baby and wouldn’t prescribe anything. He said to just keep trying and I’d complicate my life further soon enough… I forgave him the rude joke because of his age and it being the veteran’s hospital. My health coverage was earned through my military service, this guy probably had his residency when women were still being committed for “hysteria” (so he was actually treating me pretty well. Sarcasm? Yes, but those older generations have some wildly different ingrained ideas. Ever see some of those How To Be a Good Wife articles printed as recently as the 60’s?), and veterans have the stereotype of being gruff, inappropriate, and thick skinned. While that stereotype sorta fits me most of the time (ok, not the thick skinned part), his crass dismissal still bugged me. I wanted another baby before I turned 40. Fertility tea seemed a little “old-wives-tale” to me, but herbology laid the foundation of modern pharmacology so I also believe some of it can and does work. I won’t advertise what I bought because I didn’t follow directions to the letter and Deedee was finally cooperating with less nursing so I’m reluctant to give the tea too much credit. But yeah, 9 months of trying during nearly-regular periods then month 10 it was very late… ta da! Pregnant… just in time to start seeing Facebook memes about oops Valentine’s Day and Quarantine babies. Sigh. Oh well. We know it was on purpose. It’s a girl, she’s due a week after I turn 40, but I won’t hold that against her.
Oh – and Deedee officially weaned shortly after we conceived! Totally on her own since I stopped trying so hard now that I was pregnant. Toilet training is my next stubborn-daughter hurdle. She is happy, healthy, smart, and oh so… so loved. But doesn’t do anything unless she believes it’s her idea.
Random SAHM Thoughts 