Aren’t memories funny? Sometimes, vivid memories get preserved into little snapshots of time, and serve as a reference point to compare new situations or lessons to which only strengthen that foundational memory. Context of why that moment happened and what followed the moment may be lost. Significance of the moment may be small and quite silly, other times it’s a life lesson born from a seemingly ordinary moment. Anyway, a memory of my dad has been needing an outlet so here we go.
Backstory: my dad (is still alive, just retired) was a bricklayer throughout my childhood. Steady, reliable, gruff, built like a brick shithouse (his words), and loud. As one of 8 children, he was a strong believer in fairness, making your own way, and family. I’m his oldest child, a total daddy’s girl and a rough and tumble tomboy. He coached my park district soccer team for almost 10 years and the highest praise we girls could hear from our coach was a hearty, “Beautiful!” after a well-executed play (that part’s not relevant to the story, just bragging about my dad).
Anyway, even as a tomboy, I loved conventionally girly things. Disney’s renaissance trio of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin have been among my favorite movies since they came out. When Beauty and the Beast came out in 1991, I connected with Belle. I too was a brunette bookworm with few friends (shy, not misunderstood) and that was as sophisticated as the connection needed to be for my prepubescent self. I saw it first in the theater, but watching the VHS at home later, my dad (I’m thinking it was his first viewing) made comments about Gaston that have stuck with me. “If all he wants is arm candy, any of those three (referencing the blonde triplets that swoon over him) would do.” A little while later after Gaston tells Belle his version of her future and then physically pins her against the door, my dad sucks a loud breath inward and says, “oof, that is sexual harassment.” We had to pause the movie to talk about it. I don’t remember actual dialogue, but the gist of the conversation was even though women have more rights and freedom than they did back then, there are still people that think women are less important, even to the point of ignoring their safety, comfort, and dignity. My dad stressed to me that if a man ever made me feel unsafe or disrespected, those were my feelings, no one had the right to tell me they weren’t real or didn’t count. Even though Gaston thinks he’s complimenting Belle with his attention, Belle is uncomfortable and said no. Gaston needs to respect that and change his behavior, not try to change Belle’s mind. Doing something like that to a woman he worked with would get him fired today. I’m fairly certain that was the end of that particular lesson, just a few short statements made in a serious tone, and we continued the movie with Dad’s under-his-breath running commentary. More mature lessons about assault, rape, and domestic abuse would come later but honestly, the mini speech given within the Belle and Gaston context served as the foundation those future teachings would be built upon. I doubt my dad knew just how strong his point was that day. (And I have no idea why the arm candy comment has stuck around… mysteries of the mind.)
I remember that moment a lot when I’m watching cartoons with my daughter today. Just because something is rated G, or considered suitable for children, doesn’t mean that everything shown is an action worthy of emulating, or that the moral is obvious to a kid, or even that a life lesson couldn’t be tucked inside. Shoot, in looking for a photo to share on here, I discovered blogs/threads with adults trying to argue that Gaston wasn’t actually a villain, so even something rated G can have adults missing the point.
My dad’s strong reaction to how Gaston treats Belle served to warn me that men do things like that in real life, and it’s highly unacceptable. An additional take away was that my dad would have my back if I ever found myself in an uncomfortable situation with a man. That’s a powerful confidence boost to handle things yourself when you’re on the meeker side and shy. Kindof ironic to look back and know I’ve never taken any shit from men but got bullied by females starting in middle school and more than once as an adult in the workplace (in my defense, female bully tactics are quite different from sexual harassment). I hope to use Gaston as a foundational lesson for Deedee too (well, I’ll encourage it to come from my husband since she’s also daddy’s girl). I wonder where I’ll find a lesson about avoiding the ways women hurt each other. Mother Gothel in Tangled comes to mind. That one might be a more sophisticated lesson to try teaching, and I’ve got time to figure all that out, but she did turn 2 in the blink of an eye so it’s best to be prepared…
Random SAHM Thoughts 
