There are a bajillion mommy blogs out there, all full of well meaning advice and anecdotes, but what most of them have in common is they mainly present the ideal, then offer the trials, oopsies, and more controversial stances as little side offerings to the “nobody’s perfect” creed. But common, nobody is perfect, we’re all trudging through life at the pace we’re capable of, occasionally faster or even on hold, but my point is we’re each on our own journey. Judging others and yourself to unfair standards is, well, unfair.
Obviously, I’m a stay at home mom right now. My mom was a stay at home mom, too, and I did want to be like her because my childhood was really nice. Actually, I suspect I’ve romanticized my early childhood because I think my mom was pretty perfect. The house was always clean, we had routines, organized activities, and only watched Sesame Street and Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood. However, the kind of stay at home mom I am is different than I had imagined, and I’m having a hard time feeling normal and forgiving myself for not being like the memory of my mom. Every time I’ve turned to a mommy blog for support–especially with sleep problems–I keep pulling up articles that describe a household where the kid has their own room, the working parent(s) has a 9-5 schedule, and any typical problem is handled with common sense and patience. Maybe I’m using the wrong key words with my searches, because I know I can’t be the only household that doesn’t have a room for their child yet, wakes late and goes to bed later, doesn’t have a strict routine and the house is dirtier than it is clean. Having a support structure in place with people that are similar to you can help greatly when the journey hits a rough spot. If you’re more like me than the ideal, chime in please!
My husband works at a restaurant so our standard schedule is waking just before noon and going to bed around 2 AM or later. Deedee typically wakes with us, naps around 5, and when she’s being nice will go to bed around 1. That’s not every day, unfortunately for we adults… My husband and I co-sleep with our daughter. That wasn’t planned, it just sorta happened. We were in a 1-bedroom apartment when she was born, and her crib fit in our bedroom. When she went through a phase where she fought sleeping in her crib, I took the front rail off and pushed my bed against it. The height difference in mattresses were so that she couldn’t climb out but she didn’t feel trapped. She started sleeping again. Then she got strong enough to climb out onto my bed and my hubby and I would wake in the middle of the night with her sneaking between us and we’d just doze back off. Then we moved into a 2-bedroom mobile home that needed some serious renovations. Our budget allowed us to buy the trailer and supplies to fix it up but not hire it done, and the DIY pace is SO sloooow. Deedee’s room became storage for the slabs of drywall and various boxes. My bedroom size doesn’t allow for her bed to be set up too, so we just keep co-sleeping. She’s over 2 years old now and the cute factor of sleeping with her is having a hard time keeping up with all the downsides… but we’re nowhere near done with the remodel after 6 months… And she IS really cute, but I do miss having more space in my bed (and morning sex).
I’m still nursing twice a day. Now this I’ve seen plenty of blogs about. Breastfeeding advocates can be very vocal, kindof like vegans. I’m not against it at all, but I had hoped she’d be done by now… I want another baby and nursing mucks up fertility hormones. But as a stay at home mom who co-sleeps, attempting to outright cut her off causes tears I can’t handle. I have greatly reduced the duration of nursing sessions, but she still asks for the boob. The “cry it out” method of sleep training was NOT something I could stomach.
She watches TV. OMG I’m evil, right? Well, my husband is a gamer and I’m in online college so she was bound to get exposed to technology sooner than later. I use toddler programming to help distract her while I work on assignments, and just putzing around the house I like having the background noise of some unoffensive show. We do a lot of nature documentaries and reruns of my favorite, Big Bang Theory. She doesn’t pay much attention to the TV unless its her shows (or she’s shouting, “bang,” with me at the end of BBT’s opening song), but there’s still many things I won’t put on when she’s awake.
So this little rant got longer than I intended, and undoubtedly I could continue, but I have other things I’m meant to be doing. Who else is afraid they’re a “bad” mom? I know we’re all doing what we can, so those “Teach your baby to sleep in 3 easy steps,” articles can make us feel pretty awful… I’m glad for those Facebook parenting support pages that share funny and sarcastic posts because those feel more like what’s normal than many of the blogs I’ve found. Somehow the ideal is still the Beaver Cleaver era family structure when we all know society has changed drastically since then.
Random SAHM Thoughts 